If you’re not groaning, the Christmas cracker joke isn’t doing its job properly

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Image: 20 Cringe-worthy Christmas Cracker Jokes

Via: allispossible.org.uk / CC BY-SA 2.0 / adapted / Flickr: wheatfields

Here are 20 'best of the worst' Christmas cracker jokes to entertain/baffle/annoy unwitting friends, family and strangers alike. Get ready to grumble.


Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
Because he had no body to go with


Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy


What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days


What do you call a skeleton detective?
Inspector Columbones


What do ghosts eat at Christmas?


Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk


Why don’t ducks tell jokes when they’re flying?
Because they’d quack up


What is Santa’s favourite pizza?
One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even


What do you call someone that’s scared of Santa?


What athlete is the warmest at Christmas?
A long jumper


What’s E.T. short for?
Because he’s only got little legs


What says ‘Oh-Oh-Oh’?
Santa walking backwards


Why did the snowman come first at the Winter Olympics?
There was snow competition


Why did Santa have to go to the hospital?
Because of his poor elf


What’s the best Christmas present you could receive?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it


What award goes to designers of doorknockers?
A no bell prize


How do you know Santa’s real?
He’s from the grotto


How can you tell if Santa is a werewolf?
He has Santa Claws


What do you get if you cross a lion with snow?


What do elves learn at school?
The elf-abet