You basically need to be a millionaire to eat these
How much did you spend on your lunch today? A fiver? A tenner? Or maybe you brought in some sad-looking leftovers from home? Whichever it was, we're guessing none of it included a gold-coated loaf of bread or a diamond-studded Kit Kat.
Just like the Rich Kids Of Instagram and their yachts, there are some foods that are only destined for billionaire oligarchs and their bellies. So purely in the realm of "meals that will never get the chance to ever pass our lips", here are 11 of the most expensive foods in the world, which would presumably all add up to the most decadent weekly shop of all time.
Our tuna sandwiches are looking rather less exciting now.
1. The £97 loaf of bread
It may not look like much, but this Spanish baker sprinkles on £97-worth of edible gold leaf into this loaf. Why? We're not entirely sure. It's apparently very popular with Russians and people who live on the Costa Del Sol.
2. The £1,500 gothic chicken
Like something imagined up by Tim Burton, this jet-black chicken (the Ayam Cemani breed) is dark to its core, literally. All its organs are also black. Normally found in Indonesia, this breed should cook up the most gothic coq au vin of all time, if you can stump up a grand and a half for it.
3. The £65 oyster
Australia's Coffin Bay king oyster is not only the biggest in the world – it's up to a kilo in size sometimes – but they can take up to six or seven years to grow to the average size of 18cm, hence the hefty price tag to go with them. Wonder if this also includes a super-size pearl, too?
4. The £1,800 leg of ham
Obviously, we couldn't do a most expensive list without including Spain's famous Jamón ibérico. These are black Iberian pigs who feast on a diet of acorns for the span of their happy lives. But they have smaller litters and produce less meat than other pigs, so you're going to have to shell out the readies for this ham.
5. The £169 bar of chocolate
Mr Cadbury is about to spin right out of his grave with this artisan little number called To'ak, which is crafted from rare Ecuadorian cacao beans. There's no paltry paper wrapper for this bar; each one comes with hand-crafted hardwood Spanish Elm box that's engraved with an individual bar number. Of course it does.
6. The £226 beef steak
Toto, we're not in McDonald's anymore. This hunk of beef is served up in New York's The Old Homestead Steakhouse, but the meat comes from Japan. It's actually a myth that these Japanese cows are massaged and fed beer to create the highly fat-marbled steaks, but they are still treated pretty fancily and are fed dried pasture forage and rice straw. The owner of the steakhouse said of the cut: "It’s a food experience of orgasmic proportions – really.” At that price, we'd expect breakfast in bed, too.
7. The £7k spice
It's true: gram for gram, saffron really is more expensive than gold. Well, it is now it's being grown in Essex by English Spice. The spice, which comes from the crocus, is painstaking to harvest but is a real delicacy at £15 a 0.5g pot. They also make saffron gin, too. #Interested
8. The £1,800 truffle
Nope, not a To'ak chocolate truffle, but the white Alba truffle. You might as well be shaving £50 notes on to your pasta with this expensive European fungus that's so exclusive it can only be found by pigs. Fun fact: it's only lady pigs that can sniff them out, as it smells like testosterone (AKA a potential hot porcine hook up) to them. Not so tasty now, right?
9. The £3k fruit
It's a melon, guys. It's a M-E-L-O-N. So why does it cost three grand? Surely not just because it's got a black outer rind that looks a little bit like a bowling ball? Apparently so, which is why people go nuts for the Densuke melon. Madness.
10. The £1.5m fish
Frankly, if you're even thinking about spending a million pounds on a fish, you've got more money than sense. The bluefin tuna is the most expensive fish in the world, as it's a super popular delicacy for sushi and sashimi in Japan. However, it's also an endangered species, so why not do the fish a favour and buy a yacht or a diamond necklace with all your monies instead?
11. The £24k tin of caviar
And to end, let's talk about these fish eggs that could double up as a deposit on a house. The best caviar is said to be beluga, which is the roe that comes from the beluga sturgeon fish mainly found swimming around the Caspian sea. Still, fish eggs, though?