Inviting all your little darlings' friends round to yours for Halloween seemed like such a good idea at the time, right?
In a weak moment, when you thought you had a life where you were in total control, you promised the kind of Halloween party that Pinterest was made for: delightful homemade decorations, amazing costumes, games, fruit punch and a table heaving with the most amazing grotesque but cute freaky foods.
Then you remembered: you work full-time and you’ve got to get it all ready in approximately… half an hour. Scary or what?
As long as it’s orange, it’ll be OK
You’re running really late, and there are NO pumpkins in any of the shops. You run around trying to find alternatives – a turnip? A basketball? In the end, you’ll buy a satsuma and draw a face on it in magic marker. It’ll do.
You can't bring your Halloween party to work
It’s always best to schedule your Halloween party shopping after your important meeting. A broomstick poking out of your bag and fake blood on the annual report is not a good look.
Every good witch needs a cauldron… of wine
You’ve promised to invite half the neighbourhood to a Halloween buffet and you’re stressed. Help everyone enjoy your offerings by creating a grown-up apple bobbing game. All you need is a clean bucket and five bottles of Sauvignon blanc. Et voilà – the most interesting apple bobbing game ever!
You can save the day with an element of surprise
Late for your own Halloween party thanks to a work deadline? Sneak into the office kitchen, boil the kettle, and appear via satellite link shrouded in mist. (Try to keep the Hobnobs and Janice from accounts out of shot, though).
Your ‘pumpkin art’ will probably suck
Carving out a pumpkin with kids is meant to be a magical parenting experience. However, after a hard day at work, it’s about as enjoyable as a root (vegetable) canal. And whatever you do, it’ll never look like this…
You will scare everyone to death
If you’re short on time, don’t worry, your party will still be suitably spooky. There’ll be loads of (real) cobwebs on the ceiling, and when your guests turn up to see you hunched over the cooker with no make-up, they’ll be genuinely terrified. High five sisters.
Ketchup fixes everything
Forgot to make ghost-shaped biscuits and eyeball boiled eggs? Only got some cocktail sausages and a bag of Wotsits? In this situation, ketchup is your friend; it looks like blood, and in a last minute emergency, you can use it as lipstick.
Have a nice sit down
As for your costume, improvisation is the working mum’s best friend. Forget sexy vampires and elaborate disguises. Just sticky tape half a Scotch egg to your forehead, sit on a chair all night and pretend to be Davros from Dr Who. You can eat your evil eye later, and you won’t even have to get up to do the washing up. RESULT.
Don’t listen to your inner Nigella
A little guilty voice is telling you to keep the pumpkin guts in a tupperware container and make soup out of them later. Your true self is telling you to throw handfuls of it over the fence into the neighbour’s compost heap. Know thyself.