Sugar cravings, boredom and a public meltdown. And that's just you
1. They will want to sit in the trolley
(Even if they’re 14.)
2. There will be a public meltdown
When a child enters a supermarket, all social barriers break down. It’s like chucking-out time at Wetherspoons. Tears, anger, tantrums, police sirens …
3. They will be bored
Even though they’re in a massive hyper-megastore full of widescreen TVs, toys and delicious treats, they will act like you made them stand in a really long queue at the DVLA.
4. You will lose them for hours
Not seen your kid since the produce aisle? Chances are they’ll be "experimenting" with the tongs in the bakery.
(Do you pay for the half-eaten iced doughnut at the till – or eat the evidence?)
5. They will want awful sweets
Approximately every 30 seconds, you’ll be presented with increasingly outlandish confectionery which you will refuse to buy. You’ll feel like a Quality Control Oompa-Loompa.
6. They’ll put something rogue in the trolley
Did you choose that Spongebob magic growing flannel and the giant bag of Tangfastics?
Oh no, you didn't.
7. They’ll embarrass you
Should you venture into the booze aisle, your child will take the opportunity to loudly announce: "My mummy drinks wine every day".
8. They will run through the aisles like feral bobcats
Just as the sun rises in the morning and sets at night, kids will run through the supermarket and old ladies will look up from their tins of marrowfat peas and tut. It is nature's law.
9. They will develop strange and unusual desires
Suddenly your kid will see a brightly-coloured package and say "Mum, we never have anchovies / kumquats / Bakewell Tarts. Can we get them?"
Impressed at their increasing sophistication, you will buy them. Then, when you serve it, they’ll look it like it’s dog poo.
10. They have no concept of the bagging area
For God's sake stop sitting on it, you unexpected item.